Last Monday’s class was great. I am looking forward to reading another vignette where I can receive feedback again that is very insightful in regards to helping me shape my vignettes into something even more powerful. I’m not going to lie in the beginning the rough drafts were rough. Mainly because I wanted to just push out all the ideas I had while they were fresh in my brain. It’s not that I was half-asking it but I wanted to get at least the foundation done in order to go back and then revise and edit the vignettes into the kind of stories that they should be.
I do plan on writing at least 3-5 more vignettes but at the moment it’s also nice to share what I have and get feedback that is helping me be more aware of what I need to do.
Here is my latest and recent update, lately I’ve been trying to push a bit more vignettes (but quality ones that I would be proud of). But I have found myself in a little block with writing again, so to not be totally useless with my time I have been going back to my drafts where I am making a few adjustments and minor changes. Which I feel is resourceful of my time because at some point I will have to go back to those vignettes and tidy them up.
So far I feel pretty confident with my work and what I am producing. It was wonderful and insightful feedback I received last week from Dr. Zamora and it really helped me see my work from a different lens but one that I am satisfied with because that is the overall direction I want to go with. I am a bit scared that I do not have enough vignettes I guess I am so focused on guidelines and expectations of how long work should be that not having one is making me nervous that I am okay? But regardless, I am going to try to at least produce 5-10 more vignettes if willing so I can feel a bit more satisfied. Can’t wait to have a small reading next week and get even more insightful feedback!
While taking a winter/holiday break was refreshing and relaxing I had to return back to work January 2nd. Therefor I returned to work mode in all aspects that needed it. That included my thesis. I found myself being able to write more on my break from my Graduate Program when I was a little more sad or going through something. And I am not going to like these past couple of weeks and months (since November) have been hard for me. But maybe it’s best since sometimes that is when I produce the most work. From my break from the graduate program I wrote a total of 4 vignettes I believe. Which was pretty solid. I was hoping to write more but I’ve noticed that when I write just to write I don’t produce the best work. And my thesis is something I want to be proud of, it’s something I want that will be able to resonate with people. With that being said, I figure I share a piece I wrote over break below. Enjoy
You asked me while lying in bed if I felt loved by you. I had my back facing you as I submerged my head deeper into the pillow to fight any tears that would fall. No I don’t. When I said those words aloud I felt instant regret for knowing now there are no take backs. I said what I said. Scared that you would be angry with me I stood quiet as I let you speak. But every time you spoke I didn’t want to hear it. Mainly because I can’t believe it. All my life I’ve heard I was too much; too sensitive, too extra, too annoying, too professional, too mature, too innocent, too everything. For once maybe I just want to be enough.
When I saw those messages between you and those girls I didn’t see the messages for what was said. Instead I saw those girls as something I wasn’t. Because what else could it be? You say I am too perfect and too good for you, yet these other girls are the ones you are chasing. How can I believe that I am the one you want or love? It’s not fair when you get mad at me for when I tell you that you don’t love me. It’s confusing really. Everything about it. I’m trying to make sense of it in my head but instead it keeps me up at night on a loop and I never come to any answers.
December it what I always call the end of the semester rush. It’s literally the most wonderful and stressful time of the year. At the time being, I find myself tying up all loose ends and finishing all of my submissions. Not new updates to really update here other than I am working on my thesis proposal, and my final self-assessment narrative. I look forward to the one-on-one counseling next week to conclude any final thoughts and questions I have. I look forward to closing out this Fall Semester as I anticipate my final semester as a graduate student (eeeekkkkk!) Lots of look forward to, and lots to come. Stay tuned :p
This week, taking a break from my literature review I drafted up my methodology section for my proposal. Using the guidelines I put together what I have below, hopefully it is okay. Looking forward to feedback on Tuesday’s night class:
For my thesis project, Dr. Zamora recommended employing the autoethnography methodology, a qualitative research approach favored by scholars interested in vividly describing and evoking the intricate tapestry of lived experiences. Autoethnography aims to weave compelling narratives that illuminate specific phenomena encountered in the research setting. When applied to a memoir study, this methodology facilitates a nuanced understanding of the author’s experiences, emotions, and the cultural influences shaping the narrative. Incorporating insights from literature reviews, encompassing works ranging from Emily Ratajkowski’s writings to Sylvia Plath, my scholarly and writer influences play a pivotal role in shaping my own work. These influences guide me as I curate and compose vignettes that collectively narrate my women’s experiences. In alignment with the autoethnography methodology, my reflections on personal experiences and motivations associated with exploring the theme of womanhood form a crucial foundation for my thesis. By infusing emotions linked to pivotal events and considering their intersection with the narrative and my personal identity, I establish a meaningful connection between this research methodology and my thesis. Autoethnography enables a harmonious integration of my personal experiences with relevant literature and theories. Delving into how scholars, writers, and researchers have approached similar themes related to my topic has proven invaluable. This exploration serves to position my memoir within the broader context of existing academic discourse, fostering a more profound engagement with the subject matter.
I think as of now, I’ve made a lot of progress. I do think my lit review is done (for now) since the semester is coming to a close and I do now have to work on putting my proposal together. For the lit review I followed the same format that I used in Dr. Nelson’s class last semester. I assume that is the same format I will use when it comes to submitting the entire proposal?
I did take a small break on writing the vignettes/essays. I plan on utilizing my winter break time to kind of get back in touch, focus, and write some more again. If I write anything right now, I feel like it will come off forced and therefore it won’t be as organic or as good as I want it to be. I wouldn’t say it’s a writers block, but I do have a block as of right now because of the end of the semester rush, and of course because of work. But I will get back to it, just need to find that right time again. I am constantly utilizing my notes app to write down ideas or writing that comes to my mind late at night or after driving. Can’t wait to get back to that part again.
I don’t have much to talk about this week, because there isn’t much static now. From last weeks post I’ve been centering around my thesis around those themes. I am working on my literature review now and just siting down, collecting, and writing. I present next Tuesday (11/14). So I will also be working on that over this week and weekend. I am excited to share what I have, read a bit, and just really give a glimpse of what my thesis will be about.
Last class was helpful, I didn’t put much though about the grand “arch” of my thesis. Obviously I knew within my essays I was leading up to something but I couldn’t figure out just what exactly that was. Well I did some reflecting. I started to look over the stuff I had already read like Sylvia Path and Sandra Cisneros work. I started to realize a general theme I was gravitating towards (even when it came to my own writing) was love, relationships, and sexuality.
When I looked back on the collection of essays I gradually been producing/building, I realized a lot of the themes within my essay focused around the same themes found in the readings I was partaking in for research. Therefore, I think perhaps maybe I can stick to these three themes as part of my arch or I can maybe narrow it done to just one?
I will say now though, I feel more comfortable starting my Literature Review process because now that I possibly know what my overall themes of area are centered around, it would be much easier to center my literature review that reflects those themes and helps make my essays potentially stronger.
I’m not going to lie, work has been beating my a**. So lately I haven’t been giving as much time as I like too. But I will say, I write an essay when I can especially when I draw some inspiration or think of a moment/ idea I want to write about.
So far, I read “The House on Mango Street” again. I read it when I was a kid, I remember liking it, but now I read it again as an adult. I tend to use and tie this book in with my literature review. This week I also plan to dive into Sylvia Path’s work (I already own some of her books) and see what I can draw from that as part of my literature review.
Once the books are sorted out and kind of done (doing that first since a book is a lot more to absorb and way more hefty with information compared to an article) I will then go to the articles/ research and see what I will be pulling from there as part for my review. I would say all my progress thus far has seem slow but I do feel like while it may be a steady pace, I have been working and all this work I have done will result into the final bigger picture in the end. Hopefully the next couple of days I can devote a bit more time that way I can get even more work done, and see even much bigger results.
I run into a bit of a writers block within my essays. I do believe we are our own worst critics, and right now anything I write is just not good enough. So I’m going to take a pause on drafting right now. Maybe collect my thoughts, journal, and find inspiration. Part of my inspiration I know will come from my literature review. Tuesdays class was extremely helpful. Dr. Zamora giving me a list of writers to check out after reading my last blog post was a stir in the right direction. I’m going to start with reading “The House On Mango Street.” I read that book before but the last time I read it I was too young, and although I remember really liking it, I know that if I read it now as a much more older woman with a different mindset and different experiences; it’s going to hit much different. And probably help me with my thesis.
For now, I want to continue curating a list from Dr. Zamora, my classmates, and my own research as all part of my sources for my review. But I don’t want to go crazy just yet. For now I feel like I have a good list now it’s just diving in and seeing what I can pull and take from each writer. My list right now currently consists of 10-15 writers so once I get a solid take from that I will continue to look for more writers so my list can then get up to 15-20.
Although I know the literature review is probably going to be the second hardest thing I’ll do, I also know that in some degree It’s going to be more fun. This is going to be the inspiration part of it all. I will report next week of some of my takeaways, stay tuned!