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student blogs

Blog #2 I don’t get it

Jessica Pressman’s essay, Navigating Electronic Literature was a definitely needed for this attempting to read through Joyce’s Twelve Blue. Before going into Joyce’s confusing story, I want to bring up an interesting aspect of some of Pressman’ s essay. To start, I liked the way she explained the aspects of navigation. In addition to this, she also drew attention to how a readers interaction with navigation can affect the performance of a work. As someone who loves traditional books (physical books are one of my addictions) I find the act of navigation as second nature. The most interaction with a book is reading and turning a page; two things that do not have much impact on the narrative’s “performance”. Though within the context of graphic novels and comics, navigation does play a role. How a reader wades through the myriads of dialogue bubbles, text boxes, art and composition of the specific panels does force the reader to navigate the story to see the intended way to read. I see this as a bit of an unspoken agreement with the reader and writer. The writer paves the road of understanding for the reader to drive on. In electronic literature, there is not much of a guarantee. Instead of paving the way for the reader, and work of E lit gives the reader the tools to find their way through the narrative. This aspect of E lit is something I will have to get used to as the class continues.

Another thing worth bringing up in terms of the Pressman essay was the difference between hypertext and interactive fiction. While I initially though that I did not have much experience with E lit, this essay made me more aware of the types of things that might fit into both categories. In terms of interactive fiction, the work I chose for my presentation, Writers are not Stranger, fits into this genre of E lit. From my early interactions with Writers are not Stranger, I have to say that I really enjoy playing around with it. Being an active part of the story, based on predetermined choices made by the author is really gripping and placed more power in my hands as a reader that I am accustomed to. As the semester goes on, I will play with it much more, but my early thoughts are very positive in terms of the genre of interactive fiction. While I do have thoughts about hyperlink text, I want to share them when talking about Joyce’s story. Overall, Pressman’s article was a nice intro into understanding two genres within e-lit.

Micheal Joyce’s Twelve Blue was interesting to say the least. Before I get into the E lit aspect of the piece, I wanted to give Joyce his flowers a bit. One of my reactions to the work is how good writing can be in this context. Chopping a story up and relying on it into pieces is not new but it is effective. In terms of this story, it was great reading Joyce’s great prose. His writing made me want to continue on in uncovering how to make sense of it all. The repetition of the color blue and its uses throughout the story were a great motif to use.  The overall narrative was compelling despite the fact that I was lost for most of it. I can definitely say that the navigation aspect of the story did not take away how I felt.

 As a reader, I like “boring” stories or stories with normal structure. I find myself gravitating towards classical literature avoiding more contemporary literature because unorthodox stories can be. The idea of a reader having to navigate through a story compared to just turning a page is confusing and a bit dauting to me. Reading Joyce’s story was a struggle for me for the most part. As I said before, a narrative bouncing around is not a new thing, but a story moving rapidly while only giving the reader crumbs was new for me. I feel that the story and its composition were a match made in heaven. It forced me keep tabs on the information that has been presented (characters, setting and the “plot”). It also surprised me many times, as the story would shift in tone, and perspective at the click of your mouse.  One second, we are reading about Samantha and her dream, and the next someone’s father is buying a carnival ride. This narrative wipe lash was just not for me. As we continue through this semester, I hope I see the light in the hypertext genre.

One side note from the story I want to add was a part of the story that I felt got me. One of the parts that I read contained three separate hyperlinks that jumped into three distinct parts of the narrative. While I did struggle to piece the story and its element together, I did really like this little wrinkle. One question for all of you guys was what aspect of this story was better, the overall narrative or the act of uncovering the narrative through the hypertext?

While i may not see the greatness of hyperlinks as a genre, Joyce’s story at least has peaked my interest and has made me a bit more open and exited to see how the genre has changed and improved since the 90s.

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Response to ‘Navigating Electronic Literature’ and Relating it to ‘Twelve Blue’

This post was written inaccessibly on purpose. Please highlight to read.

Before I even touch on analyzing either piece, I have to talk about the accessibility of Twelve Blue. I can’t be that annoyed since it’s an experimental piece from the 90’s, but I straight up couldn’t read it. The sonic blue background gave me eye strain regardless of my laptop’s brightness. The color contrast of light blue against more blue made it difficult to process words. I showed it to someone else to read, and while we both understood the vocabulary and imagery just fine, neither of us could process the words. It wasn’t until I copy and pasted the chapters’ text into UpNote  (black background, white text) that I could understand what Joyce was saying.

The story is a mystery in a non-linear format. Joyce uses multiple point of views to relay the story to the reader, and a new chapter is discovered by clicking links within the text. This usage of hypertext is, in Pressman’s words, “…the earliest and predominant forms of electronic literature.” Traditional literature is more restricted by its format, confined to turning pages and arguing with a publisher for something out of the box. The internet allows more freedom because of the versatility of website design or downloadable content. Twelve Blue’s non-linear narrative is supported by the use of hyperlinks because the reader is able to engage the content in whatever order they please. Pressman highlights how the role of the reader changes from passive to active, and this challenges how reading practices can change in the future.

In the year 2025, I’m not sure if I’ve noticed a significant change with how people engage literature, both digitally and physically. Then again, this may be due to the fact I grew up in a time of rapidly evolving internet culture. I can refer back to my earlier point on accessibility, though. Before, people with visual impairments had to use magnifying tech that would enlarge text on a page or purchase books purposefully printed with larger font. In current day, change the size of the font on any site is as easy as a push of a button. Other disabilities and struggles were never accounted for, either, but in modern day there are almost always accessibility options in both digital literature and games. Digital literature certainly isn’t perfect yet, but raises the bar in making reading attainable to everyone.

-SS

student blogs

Discovering Electronic Literature

Pressman’s essay Navigating Electronic Literature was such an insightful read, especially in the way it unpacked just how expansive the world of electronic literature can be. What struck me most was her explanation of hypertext, one of the earliest and most influential forms of electronic literature.

Pressman explains:

“In a hypertext the reader navigates a non-linear, branching narrative by clicking on hyperlinks to access new lexias, or chunks of text. For example, clicking on the underlined, hyperlink words ‘the bodies,’ ‘police,’ or ‘window’ in the following screen triggers the appearance of new windows (or lexias) containing different narrative text and yielding new reading paths.”

What fascinates me is how much agency the reader has in navigating the story. The order of reading isn’t fixed; instead, it depends entirely on which links are clicked, which paths are followed, and which connections are made. Every journey through a hypertext feels unique, crafted by both the author’s design and the reader’s choices. Electronic literature like this reminds me that reading isn’t always passive. Sometimes, it’s an act of discovery.

Another idea that stood out in Pressman’s essay is her reference to critic Espen Aarseth, who argues that authors of hypertexts preprogram the paths readers can take, allowing only “trivial” rather than productive engagement. While I can see this point, my experience with Twelve Blue suggests that navigating a hypertext can still be deeply engaging and thought-provoking. Even within the paths the author designed, the act of choosing, pausing, and exploring made me reflect not only on my role as a reader but also on how literature itself can be structured and understood. The experience highlighted how reading can be an active process, one where meaning emerges through both the design of the text and the choices we make as we move through it.

Reading through Twelve Blue by Michael Joyce was fun but also challenging. I found myself clinging to each hypertext before moving on, only to discover that clicking opened yet another page with yet another link, and then another. It felt endless—like having too many tabs open at once or falling down one rabbit hole after another. The experience was equal parts overwhelming and compelling, drawing me into a world that resisted structure and certainty.

Joyce describes Twelve Blue as:

“A drowning, a murder, a friendship, three or four love affairs, a boy and a girl, two girls and their mothers, two mothers and their lovers, a daughter and her father, a father and his lover, seven women, three men, twelve months, twelve threads, eight hours, eight waves, one river, a quilt, a song, twelve interwoven stories, a thousand memories. Twelve Blue explores the way our lives—like the web itself or a year, a day, a memory, or a river—form patterns of interlocking, multiple, and recurrent surfaces.”

That description captures exactly how the reading experience feels: fragmented yet interconnected, chaotic yet carefully designed. It’s not about reaching a neat ending, but about embracing the patterns and overlaps that emerge through exploration. For someone like me, who thrives on structure in reading and writing, Twelve Blue initially felt challenging. It broke away from the predictable order I’m already used to relying on. Yet, as I navigated the nonlinear paths and followed link after link, I began to notice the beauty in learning through exploration. The experience reminded me that there is no single way to approach learning; knowledge and understanding can emerge from multiple paths and perspectives. In this sense, the challenge of the hypertext became part of the lesson, showing me that growth often happens when we step outside familiar patterns or comfort zone as we say.

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Reading Reflection BLOG

Michael Joyce: Twelve Blue & Jessica Pressman: Navigating Electronic Literature

The biggest take for me when reflecting on both electronic literatures introduced from Pressman article and Joyce is that those such as Blue Hyacinth, Façade the readers interaction and navigation contribute to their experience or story development differently for me than Twelver Blue. Even though by clicking on the hyperlink threads it changes my experience of the content that shows. Another similarity is that this type of electronic literature I find the reader, myself will not find an end point in either situation or reading. As long as I interact the story will change and depend on my involvement.

I really enjoy the idea that the hypertext story will be different for every reader, their experience depending on how they navigate the text and read. The openness of possible endless meanings, interactions with each hypertext story reading makes it unique and a form of electronic literature that I know would be beneficial to my short fiction and poetry. Being able to create an experience that will be personal to each individual keeps the story fresh, alive and not just to be discussed from one critic, or viewpoint that the reading has been analyzed according to. I also think experimenting with hypertext as seen in the Pressman reading and with Blue Hyacinth piece navigating is central to each reader’s experience keeping them engaged and interacting instead of just reading a linear line of the story waiting for something to happen in the plot. The reader is making it happen or not depending on their attention span or involvement. Functioning this way appeals to some but there will also be those who will be distracted or maybe even get frustrated with hypertext if they are a more traditional reading type and not familiar with this type of electronic lit digital technology but wanted to try it out.

 In order for a relationship to form from participation between the reader and hypertext content they will have to be open minded and wanting a new stimulating experience where they are the ones creating the story as they actively navigate using the mouse or whatever device is implored to promote action moving along the reader along and not become boring or looping to the same images, words, phrases already experienced. The navigational action that becomes necessary becomes a performance art in my eyes as participation leads to its own creation and will vary depending on the person who are looking for a new experience of digital stimulation through their interaction that the hypertext platform provides.

There are also flaws, anxiety it seems though with how to have such interactive technology where the reader can continue to navigate with no known ending in site. How would a standard be put in place so there was a certain amount of time that can only be spent on the hypertext link, or will there be a limited amount of page numbers to go through a story or even the reader becoming entertained at first and feeling involved but eventually becoming bored like any technology introduced and has exhausted its use or newness. It would be challenging to find a middle road with this type of technology because any kind of restrictions and rules may downplay the experience of the one navigating and creating the same time. This could be the issue present in the Façade character navigation process as the participant uses an avatar representing them and their involvement in the game. This reminds me of Actor Network Theory that I did an article on last semester and the student Brian who also developed an avatar which kept him involved with a certain interactive game. Lastly the virtual space we decide to interact with comes with a responsibility of acknowledging the fantasy we are creating and the world we are hoping to create away from our own. Also, the changes to how we are reading text, interacting with it can become challenging when a new genre of digital technology arises and everyone seems to be talking about it, playing it. It may not be for everyone and their experiences if they do choose to interact will be distinct from their own interaction. I guess that is one of the benefits to this type of experimental digital electronic literature.

Michale Joyce: Twelve Blue

After reading the brief synopsis on the initial page of what Twelve Blue is about I clicked Begin and followed the directions on the main page by spontaneously clicking on the colorful threads on the left of my screen, these resembled to me sound waves in their appearance. Frist thing I did notice was the difficulty of reading the light blue text on the dark blue background. I thought by clicking from top to bottom in a particular order the reading would follow some sort of progression, it just kept changing every time. I would read a few then click again curious and skeptical to see what the next page would have on it for the story. There was a relation and connection to what I discussed in my experience of Pressman’s article and the readers interaction with the story thus creating their own experience as they choose to participate and navigate. I did get annoyed though, but as a creative appreciated the changes as I navigated and clicked on each thread thinking it would build upon the previous line, I guess expectations of form as I tried to put a story together with each line I became uncomfortable and not accustomed to such changes in how we read as story and its structure.  Each one has a different angle to them, or flatness. Since this is my first experience of experimenting with hypertext using HTML frames and image maps to follow along the story I did not know what to expect or if I was doing it right. I did tend to refer back to Pressman reading again of the type of similar role of interaction needed to produce the necessary reaction similar to Blue Hyacinth, and Façade with being part of the story as I choose to interact with the content and add to it with my own navigation. But I let myself go and didn’t put too much thought into the process or pressure to understand what was happening, just enjoyed how each time I clicked on a thread the lines produced different part of the story not in any particular order and changed for me the story itself being aware of characters and the different incidents, plot points happening in each line.

I really had to pay attention to which thread I clicked on and see if it was a linear progression of the story or out of place leading to a whole new experience with the story as I read out of order. This made things interesting in a disoriented way with some of the descriptive text in each line kind of started to blur my experience of what I was reading. It no longer seemed to me a story but like I was there present wanting to know more about why things were the way they are. It seems to take me to different destinations, personal moments with conversations of the characters and what they are going through.

student blogs

I’m Starting to Get That Feeling…

Writing and posting this on Saturday preceding Wednesday’s class. There were some great things about this week and some not so great things. To start, I landed a tutoring job today! I will be morphing students into SAT and ACT-taking machines. The hours replace what I would have been doing at the dance studio, which I think will make me rediscover a bit of my purpose more. I will still be teaching in some degree, just not dance. Rather, how to answer questions asking you for a synonym for a word, but you have no idea what any of the words mean at all. Yay.

On the not so great side, I had to unfortunately get rid of my beautiful little rose bush. This week I noticed some kind of little bug infestation that was eating away at the plant. I’m no expert, as we know, so I showed my father who told me my best bet was to let the plant go. I’m sad about this because it was doing really well and I really liked having it around. But, I will try again with a new plant. I just didn’t think that plant would be gone so soon.

Moving onto my thesis, I completed my write-up for Remarkably Bright Creatures. I am so torn about whether it is postmodern or not because with this book, it really comes down to the technique in which the story is told and the content of the narrative. The technique is postmodern at its core, but the content is a wholesome, sincere story. So, is it postmodern or New Sincerity? I think it’s similar to that of Good Material, which I studied over the summer, and found that it was sincere with postmodern elements. I believe that whatever literary era we are in now, whatever we end up calling it, will unearth itself in this way: some new overarching developments with postmodern elements on the side. So, I don’t think we are done with postmodernism yet, and we may never be, but the state of things is changing.

I know that it may seem very easy to poke holes through the sheet that is New Sincerity, but two books kind of point this way. I know, two books sounds absolutely ridiculous, and they may even be the only two books that do this today and by chance I have picked them to study. But, I have been wondering if the separation we all feel from each other exacerbated by the current political and economic spheres we find ourselves in may actually be causing some kind of regression (if that is the correct word to use here). My thinking is leaning towards that we have been feeling disengaged from each other for so long that we find solace in connecting with characters from books who want their stories told, and this is why this research matters. Maybe, stories are finding their way to the top again after years of being fed artificial graphics.

I will be thinking more about this because I am totally not sure about any of that at all. In the meantime, I will be starting my next book soon. I have picked This Other Eden by Paul Harding to cover the historical fiction subgenre. In the summertime, I decided to stay away from historical fiction because I did not see usefulness in studying a retelling. Though, looking back at my literature review, none of the pieces of scholarship I read mentioned what postmodern historical fiction looks like and how it could change if we are out of postmodernism. Plus, I realized that I did include an article that studied a fantasy book with a post-postmodern lens, or something or other. So, I felt including fantasy within my scope would not be filling a gap. I love historical fiction so I am excited to see where this takes me.

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Pressman & “Twelve Blue”


Before reading this article and having a bit more context as to the world of electronic literature, I never considered how navigation impacts our experience. After reading this, I feel like the idea that having a variety of ways to digest someone’s electronic literature is so special and different. I think people sometimes struggle with reading printed text because it may be “boring” or they have a hard time caring but when the literature is interactive, people may be more inclined to participate. I appreciated that Pressman included the critiques of e-lit navigation. Opinions in my perspective are always subject to change but I reject the claim that “the authors of hypertexts program all possible paths through which readers can navigate and thus invite only “trivial” rather than productive (or “ergodic”) action from the reader”. I think any interaction with the work is productive because the very fact that people are interacting with it. Having different approaches to a piece e-literature keeps it fresh and interesting that it could be experienced different ways. The one that really stood out to me was the last one. I tried clicking the link to it but it was a dead-end. Overall this article provoked a lot of thoughts and questions in me around what we consider literature. 

I was glad I read the Pressman article on navigating electronic literature before experiencing “Twelve Blue” by Michael Joyce. I was optimistic going into it. I liked the idea of kind of “choosing my fate” when it came to the story line. A “choose your own adventure” if you will. I felt as though I chose my own insanity. I started off reading about a fifteen year old girl flirting with a carny, then about a family of three where the parents weren’t married anymore, then a side quest story of said father and daughter being in the Blue Ridge Mountains to find a photo of her great-grandmother, then a story about a woman named Delores Peters came into play and lost me. I got out of context pieces about a boy drowning that confused me as well. I was getting repeat sections as I tapped through the hyperlinks and threads on the side of the screen. I can honestly say, I had no idea what was happening 80% of the time as I tapped through this story. The storyline I stayed with most was with Javier, Beth/Tevet, Aurelie, and Lisle(Lee). I didn’t even realize there were section titles until the very end of my hour. I loved the language Joyce wrote with it was challenging yet fit the bill for the way the piece works as far as choosing your own adventure and the storylines it follows. I said above while reading the Pressman article that I thought the idea of letting readers choose how the story goes was a fun/fresh idea but after experiencing “Twelve Blue”, I think it’s fair to say that I am someone who likes order and direction.

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“Twelve Blue”

I can sense I’m going to have a little bit of a difficult time when it comes to navigating electronic literature. Navigating anything, in general, is a bit of a problem for me.

You could probably put me on the opposite side of my home-town and I wouldn’t be capable of finding my way back home. I like directions. I like order and a path. I am capable of making my own path, but I am slow and bumbling. I make mistakes and get confused easily.

My memory is about the size of an almond, maybe two if we’re being generous. It makes a lot of sense why I like to read, it’s straightforward and you can’t really mess it up all that much.

When you make a mistake when you’re reading, you flip back a few pages.

When you make a mistake reading “Twelve Blue”, good fucking luck.

The text is haunting, poetic, and electric in the way the reader gets to practically touch the texts themselves and move them about. But, there is no way to go back once you’ve moved forward.

There is no clear path that shows you want to click, and much of the discovery process is trial and error.

This brings the story to life, making it dynamic, a new experience for each reader. The story resembles navigating real life in the confusion and discomfort that comes from a lack of direction.

The process of learning how to effectively navigate electronic texts without the daunting fear of a mis-click will be a huge challenge for me. In both study and practice I’ve proven easily frustrated by exploration based learning.

I am nervous for how this bodes for my presentation, but hopefully with enough time to practice, I will be able to navigate Welcome Home properly for my peers.

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Pressman, Twelve Blue, and Chance

To begin, I would like to share my thoughts regarding Pressman. To clarify, these thoughts were generated after reading Pressman, but before interacting with Twelve Blue. Thus, this may be subject to change once I have interacted with Twelve Blue for the allowed one hour. What I mainly would like to dissect here is the idea of authorship. Pressman relays the idea that because electronic literature asks the reader to click or hover or insert text, the reader thus shares, to some degree, authorship with the writer. When I first read this, I was not convinced. Yes, in the case of hyperlinking, the reader must click around to be taken to the next part of the narrative, whatever it may be. Yes, the way in which one reader goes about finding their way through said narrative will be different than another reader. Though, I do not think that this is akin to authorship; I think it is more akin to chance.

Relating this idea to dance, as I always seem to do at one point or another, is an interesting thought that I would like to share. Merce Cunningham, a well-known modern dancer and choreographer, was known to implement the chance technique when choreographing. Cunningham would produce a number of short dance phrases, then used dice, coins, and later computer programming, to determine the order in which these phrases would appear. Thus, an entire repertoire would be created. It is, at its core, him and what he created, but by chance, it is the way is it. This is what I feel interacting with electronic literature is like; we do not know exactly what we are going to get, but whatever we do, it is our experience, not necessarily something we have written, because someone else has created the narrative. It is chance that brings us to the exact order we click or hover on something, and thus chance is what crafts what we take from it.

Twelve Blue Reflection

This was my first order:

  1. How she knew
  2. Long time after one
  3. cornflowers
  4. each ever after
  5. seething
  6. each ever after

And then, there was nowhere other than go (or so I thought). So, I started again.

  1. fates
  2. seething
  3. each ever after
  4. Eleanor Crosses
  5. the roar of the sea within her
  6. Salt shores
  7. minor characters
  8. we are all night swimmers
  9. fates
  10. seething
  11. each ever after
  12. crabapple hollow
  13. each ever after

Again…

  1. riven wishes
  2. Blue Christ
  3. a white witness
  4. minor characters
  5. we are all night swimmers
  6. fates
  7. seething
  8. Death’s blue waltzer
  9. waves
  10. the cities of the air
  11. white moths
  12. a taste of stone
  13. balancing
  14. a surprise
  15. a spectacle

Then I became stuck in a loop, so I reset by way of the small picture on the left side of the screen.

  1. butterfly
  2. Fierce eyes and a mother’s fears
  3. Run off

Here, my hour was up. Everything that I came upon, and what each of my classmates discovered, was by chance. Getting stuck in a loop of Delores Peters, constantly finding my way back somehow to “each ever after”, was chance. As far as realizing the whole narrative, I could not find it. Though, I had a good grasp of the drowning, which was very intriguing, as well as Delores Peters and the ride. Towards the end of my browsing, I kept hoping that I would continue to run into each ever after again, because I felt quite connected to that one. It was chance that was bringing me back to it, and I read it in full each time I came across it. Despite the disappearing links, I still kept finding my way to it, even if I should have just reset. This was chance, too. Everything can be read.

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Assignment #1 – Trusting the Process (Pt. 2)

After posting what I thought was our first assignment, I started looking through other people’s posts on the class page. That’s when it hit me: I may have already done assignment one wrong – UGH! Anyway, once I reviewed the instructions again, I realized I was supposed to write more of an introduction to myself. So here we go…

The blog I already put up, “Trusting the Process”, does sum up some of my abilities (and challenges) for this class, but I’ll take this chance to share a little more about me.

When I was a kid, testing for reading disabilities, ADHD, or other learning differences just wasn’t really a thing yet. In about 4th grade, though, one teacher noticed that my comprehension was especially low when I read aloud. That moment eventually led me to Kean College (as it was called then), where they were doing a ‘study’ and tested me for a reading disability. No one really knew what that was in the 1970’s.  I’d love to find-out what happened to Toni Brescher, she was the person I met with a Kean at the time.  With years of tutoring and persistence, I caught up and even surpassed grade level. That process taught me resilience, and some tricks to help me along the way, somethings that still carry me through even today.

I’ve always been creative and have worked in all kinds of art forms. Art used to be my biggest passion, but once you start working full time, it’s amazing how little energy you have left for hobbies (at least that’s been my experience). And age, well, it really does make a difference. Not just in stamina, but in learning too.

I came to college later in life, and now here I am in Graduate School. I have attended both degrees while working full time at a pretty demanding job.  I created and run Union County’s Office on Women (which has been met with many challenges and continues to).  With all  honesty: not a single semester has gone by without me asking myself, “Why am I doing this again?” But I keep going, because this degree matters to me.  And here we are at my last semester at Kean and so very nervous about taking the Comps (instead of writing a Thesis) and its almost over, thankfully.

On top of that, I can’t afford to get anything less than an A in my classes, literally. My tuition reimbursement doesn’t kick in unless I earn A’s. So, while the pressure is definitely there, I’ve decided to embrace it. My goal is to finish this graduate degree as an A student, not just for the tuition but for myself.

A little more about my life: during the week, I live with my mom, who’s older now and appreciates the company (and it helps that her place is closer to work and school). On weekends, I retreat to my own house, just a mile from the beach in the Asbury Park area. That little piece of Jersey shore calm (?) keeps me grounded.

So yes, this is me:  balancing work, school, art (when I can), family, and the pull of the ocean breeze. It’s not always easy, but I’ve learned to trust the process, even when I trip over the first assignment.

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A New Experience – Trusting the Process

When I sat down to read Michael Joyce’s Twelve Blue as assigned, which I did more then once, I didn’t know what I was getting into. In graduate school, I’ve gotten used to very structured, linear readings, dense texts that I can be outlined, notes taken, text underlined, and would eventually make some sense to me.  Twelve Blue turned me upside-down. There was no step-by-step process of any kind. I had to say to myself over and over “trust the process”. Fragments, shifting paths, characters briefly showing-up. I had a lot of difficulty just letting the flow happen (if there was a flow).

I’ve had a complicated relationship with reading since I was a kid, diagnosed with a reading disability. Learning to read was hard for me, it was slow, frustrating, and something that never came naturally. Over the years, I’ve developed strategies and systems to get through school and graduate work, but they’ve always depended on texts having some kind of order, my ability to take notes and reread the text. Twelve Blue felt like it ignored all of that. I couldn’t rely on my usual tricks. Clicking from thread to thread left me uncertain, sometimes even overwhelmed, like I was breaking the story instead of following it.

This new process was frustrating. I found myself searching for logic, for some kind of thread, but the more I clicked, the more I had to admit there wasn’t one in any kind of traditional sense. The experience made me uneasy, because it highlighted just how much I depend on predictability in reading and how difficult it is when that safety net is gone. It was like being at my tutors all over again at the age of @8-9.

Still, as uncomfortable as it was, I started to notice something. Twelve Blue asked me not to “master” the story, but to experience it. To play with it like it was ‘gamining’/reading. That’s a completely new approach for me, and while I can’t say I enjoyed it completely, I can see how it stretched me as a reader and a grad

I cannot have an opinion about the writing, nor the pathways of uncertainty, but I did begin to get that I should concentrate on having fun and enjoying it and not look for meaning so carefully. Some of the descriptions were beautiful – once I let go of the need for order.