I’m not going to lie, work has been beating my a**. So lately I haven’t been giving as much time as I like too. But I will say, I write an essay when I can especially when I draw some inspiration or think of a moment/ idea I want to write about.
So far, I read “The House on Mango Street” again. I read it when I was a kid, I remember liking it, but now I read it again as an adult. I tend to use and tie this book in with my literature review. This week I also plan to dive into Sylvia Path’s work (I already own some of her books) and see what I can draw from that as part of my literature review.
Once the books are sorted out and kind of done (doing that first since a book is a lot more to absorb and way more hefty with information compared to an article) I will then go to the articles/ research and see what I will be pulling from there as part for my review. I would say all my progress thus far has seem slow but I do feel like while it may be a steady pace, I have been working and all this work I have done will result into the final bigger picture in the end. Hopefully the next couple of days I can devote a bit more time that way I can get even more work done, and see even much bigger results.
This week I have chosen to do a rough outline just to start putting together how I want to present this idea. I am not exactly creating a business plan completely, but I am focusing on a Part 1 and Part 2. This semester I will be completing part 1 which will be me creating a curriculum.
Staying focused on NJ as the location to implicate my model of a curriculum, because I live here currently and I have a general idea of what the early childhood education curriculums looks like at the preschool level, because I have worked int he field before and have kids of my own which has given me a closer insight into the the early parts of development for children, in a personal way. This is what peaks my interest with my topic as it relates to my everyday life, and has always interested me .
My main focus this week was looking at the different pdf’s on this site https://www.nj.gov/education/earlychildhood/preschool/, which has multiple pdf’s, have insightful information on different curriculums in NJ, how the teaching preschool system works in NJ, the standard that have been set, and the rules to follow when opening a center (or just looking at a classroom). This information provided the basis of where I started my research and what I started deeming most important to highlight at this stage in my thesis work. The website provides many informative perspectives of preschool education as a whole. 2 pdfs listed below:
These last few weeks as I settled into my idea I was starting to feel like I may overwhelm myself, because I wasn’t able to find topics as I was thinking I would. being that that I picked education as my topic and more specifically creating my own curriculum and model of a classroom, I began thinking I may have picked a topic that might get me stuck at some point. This week I focused more on finding the basics, which may set me back a little with research, but it has opened up the idea of my outline and how I plan to tackle this thesis.
Since I am in the process of understanding the preschool education system, on the first part of my outline I have noted that I want to talk briefly on why education is important to me. This will give my audience an understanding of why I choose this topic, and highlight some key reason other educators may care. I want go more in depth on why I have chosen this particular grade/ age level, and why it matters most to me and also what matters most in the process of creating a curriculum on my own. How will this do amongst the other NJ curriculums.
I will discuss the curriculums that are currently being used, in New Jersey specifically, and why they are successful with preschools across NJ. This will be a bulk of Part 1 because this will help guide me as I create my own curriculum. There are currently 4 that are in use in NJ preschools. Which is Connect4 Learning, The Creative Curriculum , High scope Preschool Curriculum, and lastly Tools of the mind. I have started explaining these generally within my google doc very briefly .
The note taking process at first was a little difficult, as I wasn’t really sure what direction I wanted to go in when it came to my topic, I just knew what it related. Now that I know I want to create my own curriculum example , with intention to focus on preschool and technology use within classrooms. Creating digital literacy is one focus, but not sole. I feel more selections will come to mind as I go through my starting points. I found a pdf that directly speaks of technology use in preschools specifically in NJ. Another focus could possibly be the reading and writing aspects as it pertains to digital and non-digital learning tools. This will tie in my understanding of English and how it is important in early childhood curriculum and and be a critical part in overall development.
Having created a citation page along with my my rough outline to guide my use of my sources has been created in google doc. This way I manage to know which sources will go with what topics to begin with. Created a computer folder of all the pdf’s that I have so far totaling 10. I know at some point I may need to create micro folders for each each section of my outline. My note taking process seems as though it is funneling as we spoke about last week.
I’m attaching my google doc of the outline that I have started here. https://docs.google.com/document/d/1iHgTaioapmO9bVqWWDxWjWwK0p0jasQRAzmUt9Pxv0A/edit?usp=sharing Building on this google doc each week as I discover new research will eventually turn into docs I feel that will be hyperlinked for the complete project, I’m just weary hyperlinks because they sometimes do not always open for me. I feel the hyperlink method to other parts or sections of my work will be the best way to present and keep things organized.
As I continue to build on this each time I feel it will come together nicely as a creative proposal if that makes sense. Splitting it into parts helps to assure that I cover the necessary areas to explain why I feel this is such an asset to the early child field, as well as the English field when it comes to beginner readers and writers, and seeing things from the teachers perspective.
Overall this experience is getting a bit easier since starting to use the funnel method as we discussed in class prior. I felt I was having an issue at first exactly understanding what I wanted to communicate which made my topic seem to general, but now with further insight I have narrowed down some of my key elements for my thesis.
I run into a bit of a writers block within my essays. I do believe we are our own worst critics, and right now anything I write is just not good enough. So I’m going to take a pause on drafting right now. Maybe collect my thoughts, journal, and find inspiration. Part of my inspiration I know will come from my literature review. Tuesdays class was extremely helpful. Dr. Zamora giving me a list of writers to check out after reading my last blog post was a stir in the right direction. I’m going to start with reading “The House On Mango Street.” I read that book before but the last time I read it I was too young, and although I remember really liking it, I know that if I read it now as a much more older woman with a different mindset and different experiences; it’s going to hit much different. And probably help me with my thesis.
For now, I want to continue curating a list from Dr. Zamora, my classmates, and my own research as all part of my sources for my review. But I don’t want to go crazy just yet. For now I feel like I have a good list now it’s just diving in and seeing what I can pull and take from each writer. My list right now currently consists of 10-15 writers so once I get a solid take from that I will continue to look for more writers so my list can then get up to 15-20.
Although I know the literature review is probably going to be the second hardest thing I’ll do, I also know that in some degree It’s going to be more fun. This is going to be the inspiration part of it all. I will report next week of some of my takeaways, stay tuned!
Last weeks library experience was very helpful when it comes to the research for this extensive thesis we are all working on. I always remember how important the library is when I get there and can see all of the ways in which information can be processed. Craig Anderson did a wonderful job showing us some helpful tricks and tips to exploring and also narrowing our research into the direction we are choosing to take it. The database can really give a broaden version of what you may be looking for, but as researchers we are able to shuffle and discard what we don’t need, and find the true gems that can help us create our thesis.
I feel that I will actually be using Union and Maplewood’s public libraries along with Kean’s to get the information I am looking for. I don’t want everything I research to come from the internet, even though some will, but I want to challenge myself with the collection of my data and broaden how I do my research. I feel that I have used the internet and databases to my advantage thus far in the grad program, but I want to step out of my comfort zone little and see what more information I can discover.
As I continue to research my topic I see if won’t be hard to find information on technology use in classrooms, What I am finding most difficult is the preschool aspect I have within my topic. I want to focus mainly on preschool & Kindergarten, because to me these are the fundamental stages in school for children, and I feel a lot can be learned if applied correctly and adequately.
I want to give a shout out to Gianna because she sent me a really good link last week that connected to my topic. She sent me a link to an instagram page by a woman named Brittany Washburn who teaches a tech curriculum, which really ties into my topic of the idea that tech should be an apart of the curriculum. She focused more on middle school and high school students, but I was still intrigued scrolling on her page, and I liked a bunch of her techniques, so she gained a follow from me. This led me to all of the ads and emails I get about how to incorporate these tech learning tools onto my Children’s iPad, where I spend obscene amounts in monthly charges to accommodate them. I have seen personal progression with my children using the tech tools with intention and purpose which has created my view.
Last nights class at the library was helpful. For the most part it was a refresher from what I learned in undergrad. But what was not a refresher was how I should go about my own research and how to conduct my research. Going on the database for gender watch helped immensely. For one, I feel like I got to the main portal of research that I want to find. Once Greg helped me narrow my research and what exactly I need to put in the database, the research didn’t seem as overwhelming as I initially thought it was going to be. That felt like a relief.
Once Greg moved onto the next person to help, I stayed on the database and continued to look throw the different essays. There was about a hundred-something. Some I emailed to myself to maybe look over the weekend and read through in hopes I get inspired. And others I sort of passed through. Despire being so many results that popped up, it was a relief to know that my topic hasn’t really been done to be completely honest. And most of the essays that I did find just sort of came from a feminist perspective and what that meant. But I did not find any personal essays of what it means to be a woman and experiences of being a woman. I just found surface/ in general ideas of the topic. Which is good. But like I said, for the ones I did email to myself I do have to read over those this weekend and see what exactly has been said through personal essays and see what I can do when it comes to my essays. Ideally, my essays have not be done, because they are my personal thoughts and experiences. But regardless, I do still need to see what has been done centered around my idea.
As of now, I have about five essays completed and I am slowly completing more as I go. I am taking my time on the essays as I want them to be well written and as well as well thought out. They are something so personal to me and I want them to be expressed correctly. Each day, I am aiming for at least one essay or half an essay. But we are moving along to a direction. Not completely sure of that direction fully, but I know we are moving.
What does it really mean to crucify the flesh? I was pondering this as I stood in the shower after a few long, late hours at work. I know it means to deny certain fleshly, sinful desires, and to actively turn from these things and to God each day; but does it mean more than that? I’d argue that it does, especially given this analogy we’ve been on lately in church of being clothed.
Though the application of this God-given principle of dying to oneself is as simple as it is written, the significance and impacts of its application are much greater than I previously realized. See, I was initially thinking about the different physiological responses to psychological traumas. I was pondering how many different physiological reactions to trauma could potentially develop over time. Some common examples are bloating, indigestion, tremors, headaches or migraines, immune system deficiencies, and hypertension.
I find that when I strip away those traumas from my identity (because somehow it seems to stain my metaphorical clothes all too often), these physiological and psychological symptoms are often aggravated by this sudden naked state of myself. Why? Because I’m afraid of being that vulnerable.
I don’t talk about my feelings a lot; sure, I’ll write many of them here without much of a problem, but when I say talk I actually do mean I have trouble verbalizing my emotions. It terrifies me no matter who I’m talking to. I claim to like having that vulnerability and it is something I value, but I avoid it instinctually. If I don’t I tend to trauma dump, which is not a healthy habit either. So typically, I sit on my own and try to sort out my feelings on my own.
Recently, I took a step out from this mindset. Details aren’t necessary to the point here, but the point is that I was at a point where I knew I’d been holding back and if it wasn’t going to affect my relationship with this person, it was going to keep me in a stagnant relationship with the Lord. What I was refusing to let go of and to state out loud to this friend was keeping me as one of the mid-summer snapdragons I had in the garden this summer. Let me explain:
As I’ve previously mentioned in other blog posts, our marigolds exploded this year to a point where many of the stems looked more like small trees. We hadn’t accounted for this possibility of such large marigolds when planting everything, (in all honesty, my parents and I expected many to fail miserably while we were away on vacation), so things like rosemary and snapdragons had much of their light cut off by their overbearing neighbors. Some snaps even seemed suffocated. That’s where I was before— being held back and feeling unable to fully express what God was putting on my heart, even after . In most friendships I feel like that’s where I am, if I’m totally honest. I hold back because I guard myself so much. I hold back because I don’t want to talk about anything and everything with someone that might not even stay in my life for long (having been the “floater friend” throughout most of my life hasn’t helped with this, but it’s challenged me as of late for sure). I hold back because I’m avoiding confrontation. I hold back because I don’t do as well with vulnerability as I often claim to.
And I still feel somewhat vulnerable well after the fact. I almost feel like I need to fix the situation when there was nothing wrong about anything that was said or resulted from the conversation.
That’s where I want to bring it back to what it means to crucify the flesh:
To crucify the flesh isn’t just to reject our tendencies to blatant, outward rebellion; it’s also to reject our tendency to think we can handle things better than God can. At the end of the day, even though we are in the midst of our situation, we are not outside and around it or within every fiber of it. There’s only One that is. He’s the only one that knows every detail of every situation and knows exactly how it will pan out. It will not always make sense to us in the moment often because we don’t have all the information we think we do, but God knows what He’s doing. He knows it all.
The tendency of the flesh is to focus on lack. I saw this reel the other day and it opened my eyes to the fact that every time I have turned away from the Lord, it’s because of one of two things:
I’m worried I don’t have the necessary skills, resources, or grit to handle what the Lord is calling me to.
I worry about what I will lose by stepping out into this call from the Lord.
But He is Jehovah Jireh. He is El Roi. He is El Shaddai. He is Adonai. He is. There is no lack in Him. And I think it becomes so easy to forget that because we are constantly reminded of the fact that we currently live in a broken, fallen, sinful world. I think we too often fail to remember that everything in the world is ultimately sourced from Him– what makes any of it broken or sinful is man’s disobedience in how it’s all used.
The tree of knowledge of good and evil was not broken or sinful on its own, nor did the tree make Eden a broken place. Eden was the place of the perfect and united presence of God and man and the rest of God’s creation. There was nothing wrong with the tree– it’s what man decided to do with it when they walked past everything they could have with God and still chose what they perceived as lack. It’s natural for the body to want to be fed. It’s natural to crave food. But again, this one tree was right in the center of the garden. To get to it, they had to walk past everything they could have and still be in perfect union with Him in whom there is no lack.
As I was writing this, I paused for a moment as my phone came up with a Bible app notification. I’ve been in this study with some ladies from another church on there, and one of them just commented something so relevant to this point:
I remember there was this person going around asking people “If you could ask God one thing, what would it be?” And a man replied, ” I was going to say ‘why’ but W-H-Y stands for “Who Hurt You?” Which begs the question, “Who Helps You?” And ultimately “Who Heals You?” So I think I would just praise God for being my Helper and Healer in my hurt and confusion.”
I think that at its core, crucifying the flesh is rejecting this distorted focus. It’s taking off the rose-colored glasses; it’s stepping outside the fun-house mirror room; it’s keeping your eyes on the boat (phrase that’s stuck with me since my week at the US Coast Guard Academy for their AIM program in 2017).
I don’t always remember my cadre’s faces all that well until I scroll through instagram and see any of them pop up on my feed because I was often “keeping my eyes on the boat.” The Coast Guard is not a combat-based military branch, so keeping one’s eyes on the boat is just another way of saying “don’t lose sight of the boat in distress” because most functions of this branch are open water search, rescue, and law enforcement.
There are a few perspectives on this real-life metaphor:
We are the cadre. We cry out for Barabbus and try to put out as many possible distractions to take the attention away from the boat– the cross, that is. But at the end of the day, the purpose of the cadre is to discipline someone into keeping his/her eyes on the boat despite the distractions– to stay aware but not consumed by the many other things going on.
We are in the distressed boat. Much like when Jesus calms the storm or when Peter walks on water with Jesus, we are often in a panic. We are in what immediately seems like our imminent demise so much that we don’t look up and see the lights of the boat coming to our rescue, the eyes that have never left us and never not seen us (think of Hagar who gives God the name El Roi, the God who sees me).
We are keeping our eyes on the boat. Our sights are set as we run full-force towards the Lord. This is where we want to be. He is the boat, and when we run toward Him keeping our eyes on Him we will find that the Lord brings people into our lives that need a leg up, or maybe that are our leg up, too. He may ask us to be the ones to leave behind the main ship and trust He will keep you in turbulent waters. With trust– faith– in Him, we find that He will not only keep us, but build and refine us through the storm.
In this analogy, keeping your eyes on the boat is your sole responsibility until you are called to go and someone else has taken your place to keep their eyes on the boat. That person becomes the voice you listen to because they see the boat and they see you trying to get to the boat when you are in this in-between– that moment between taking off the old clothes and putting on the new ones.
It reminds me of a clip I once heard on reels (though I can’t find it for the life of me at the moment) about a student pilot who was on her first solo flight. One of the engines was breaking down, and (if I’m recalling correctly) her landing gear was only partially functional. She had no one in the plane with her. She had gone through the process with an experienced pilot already, and in a sense took off this “old clothing” of studenthood, or crucified that part of who she was to grow into the next stages of becoming a pilot. She was independent, but not alone. She still had the voice of a man in the tower at the nearest airport she was able to make the emergency landing. Amid her panic, he reassured her that he was there to talk her through the process.
And that’s exactly what this guy did, and when this pilot landed she credited this stranger’s voice and her focus on his voice as the reason she was able to make what seemed to be an impossible landing for anyone’s first solo flight.
Now, the eleven disciples went to Galilee, to the mountain to which Jesus had directed them. And when they saw him they worshipped him, but some doubted. And Jesus said to them, “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”
Matthew 28:16-20 (ESV)
So I think crucifying the flesh is much more than just constant denial of what our physical, earthly urges are. It’s stepping out. It’s taking action. It’s intentionally debunking the lies trying to speak into your life with Truth.
Crucifying the flesh is allowing oneself that terrifying, humbling moment between one change of clothes and another– that moment a naked, broken heart is shone before God and then before the world. At the end of the day, what glory is there to go to God if no one knows what He saved you from? So maybe this is where I could list off a whole bunch of things He’s saved me from, but if I’m honest, I’m still working up to being vulnerable about some of these things. So know that this isn’t the full list, but I will share a few things here and maybe at some point dive into the contrast of my old, dead perspective and my new perspective in Christ:
alcohol & weed
relationship hopping (at least that’s what I call it)
codependency
anxiety (I still battle with this one a lot but the Lord continues to be faithful through it)
flashbacks
unforgiveness (mainly with like two people that don’t even currently play a huge role in my life, even if I feel as though they should)
people pleasing
And again, the list goes on. I’ve touched on some of these, but it’s rare for me to do deep dives into emotions, let alone revealing them to people on such a seemingly large scale (even though this Jesus blog really isn’t all that big of a thing, honestly). But my prayer here, I suppose, is that this would be the moment between the old and the new clothes– the cold, vulnerable, naked, difficult, and airy moment my heart and its wounds so desperately need. And I pray that you will take that step this week too, if not with another person then at least with the God who sees and knows it all anyway, and still loves you enough to stay and work with you to grow from those hard places.
Thanks to our class discussion in zoom I felt a little clear on where to exactly begin my research in order to truly start understanding my topic. There are so many directions in which I can go with this project and still am not to sure on which avenues to truly focus on, but I know this is normal at this stage.
This week as suggested by Dr. Zamora I decided to begin simple and start with looking at Digital Literacy as it compares to early childhood education. Skimming around I was able to see that I am not the only one persona interested in this topic and not the only one who wants to take a step in that direction. Finding out that I have a lot to study and examine makes me feel more comfortable with my topic, although this is just the very beginning.
I thought to myself that similar to the invention of fire or light, the internet can be put in this category as well . Very monumental and has truly changed the way we carry out life. It has made a huge impact now and with its expansion possibilities for generations to come.
With this thought in mind I want to carry out my entire thesis with this thought and tell why it is important to teach digital literacy starting early. This teaching is leading to further advancements of society around us.
“Early childhood is a pivotal period of child development that begins before birth through age 8. This is a period of rapid brain and body development.” These moments are huge when dealing with growth and development of children and implementing digital literacy strategies into their curriculum can really change the projectory of learning, or this is in some way what I am trying to prove. Either way positive outcomes for generations is the result.
The internet started January 1st 1983 according to to google and since then it has been implemented in every aspect and form of life. My idea is starting to truly understand how to use this tool, instead of children just being able to search cat videos for hours, can really change the way educators educate.
Below is how I started my research and where my thought process began:
How Parents Can Teach Digital Literacy Skills at Home
List down the key topics that will improve your children’s digital literacy. Building a clear plan will help you lead a more meaningful conversation with your children. Some of the key topics that you might want to discuss with them include cyberbullying, online ethics and internet safety.
Break down topics into short bursts. Don’t overwhelm your children with too much information in just one sitting. Split it into smaller chunks and concentrate on one topic at a time. This will give them enough time to absorb and process everything that you’re teaching them.
Apply games. Young students get distracted quite easily. So if you want to have their attention focused on you, you need to make learning fun for them. One way to do so is by reinforcing game-based activities. You can also leverage gamified tests to assess their digital literacy level.
Let them experiment. Let loose and allow your children to apply what they’ve learned into practice. Allow them to use technology with little to no supervision to help them become more independent and responsible online.
What is Digital Literacy?
Digital literacy is a broad term that encompasses all of the skills needed to live, work and thrive in a digital world. People who exhibit digital literacy understand technology, make use of digital tools, find verified information and even share one. They’re also well aware of the risks associated with technology and know the precautions to avoid them.
Digital literacy includes four crucial elements: finding, evaluating, creating and communicating information. Youth need to develop these skills to successfully navigate the digital age.
Digital literacy is an essential skill for preschoolers to learn in today’s increasingly tech-centric world. By engaging in technology activities, preschoolers can develop fine motor skills, understand concepts such as letters and numbers, and learn to use technology safely and responsibly.
Preschool teachers don’t have to be tech experts to utilize technology activities in the classroom. From various apps to using tablets or smartphones, there are plenty of simple activities to help develop children’s essential digital literacy skills.
This post will explore the importance of digital literacy in education and tips and activities to incorporate it into your classroom. These technology activities are easy to set up and can be tailored to the developmental level of your children. So whether you’re a tech novice or a pro, you’ll find an activity perfect for your class.
What is digital literacy in education?
Digital literacy is using technology to find, evaluate, create, and communicate information. To be digitally literate, one must be able to use a computer and the internet for various purposes, including research, email, and social media.
Digital literacy is an essential skill for children to learn to be successful. With the ever-increasing reliance on technology in both the workplace and everyday life, it’s more important than ever for preschoolers to use technology effectively.
Preschoolers are beginning to develop the skills they’ll need to be digitally literate. By providing them with opportunities to use technology in various ways, you help them develop these essential skills.
Technology activities for preschoolers should be designed to allow them to experiment with a variety of different technologies. Moreover, exposure to various technologies will make them better prepared to use them in the future.
Why is digital literacy important?
We use technology in our everyday lives. From smartphones, computers we use at work, and entertainment systems in our homes, digital devices have become a staple in nearly every aspect of our lives.
While too much screen time can be harmful , digital devices and technology are powerful tools for learning when used in moderation. For preschoolers, learning to use technology in fun and engaging ways will help set them up for success in school and beyond. Here are reasons why digital literacy is essential for preschoolers:
Teaches how to use technology
In a world where technology is becoming increasingly ubiquitous, teaching preschoolers digital literacy skills familiarizes them with the basic functions of popular devices and applications. This familiarity will come in handy as they grow older and are expected to use technology for school, work, and other activities.
Develops fine motor skills
Using a computer or tablet requires fine motor skills that most preschoolers are still developing. Regularly using these devices hones their skills and prepares them for tasks that require precise hand movements, such as writing.
Teaches new concepts and ideas
Technology allows preschoolers to explore and expand their horizons. With the help of apps, websites, and other digital resources, they can learn about anything they’re interested in, from animals and plants to history and outer space.
Helps practice essential skills
From counting and matching to reading and writing, there are many ways for preschoolers to practice essential skills using technology. Finding apps and games that focus on specific skills helps your child master the basics before they move on to more challenging concepts.
Encourages creativityDigital devices and applications can encourage creativity and allow preschoolers to express themselves in new ways. Through digital media and technology, they can experiment with music, art, design, and storytelling.Improves problem-solving skills
Using technology requires problem-solving skills, from learning how to use a new app to troubleshooting technical issues. As preschoolers encounter new challenges while using devices, they’ll develop these essential skills and learn how to apply them to other areas of their live
How to teach digital literacy
Digital media and technology can be incorporated into everyday activities and experiences. Here are tips for teaching your preschooler digital literacy skills in the classroom:
Use in moderation
Help children understand the importance of using technology responsibly. Set boundaries in the classroom and stick to them. For instance, if they are supposed to use their gadgets for 30 minutes, stick to that. Most importantly, lead by example and turn off screens when they’re not in use and mute your phone when you’re not using it. This can help children develop a healthy relationship with technology.
Get involved in their tech time
Spending time with your preschoolers while they use technology is a great way to teach them how to use it safely and effectively. Play an educational game with them or start a discussion about something you watch together.
Introducing digital literacy in early education can help young children develop fine motor skills, critical thinking, and creativity. It can also give them a foundation to become comfortable and competent technology users as they grow older.
By incorporating technology activities into the classroom, teachers help their children develop the skills they need to be successful in the digital world.
Starting simple will help me navigate how I choose to express the information I receive and which ways can make this a successful thesis.
After our zoom class, I would say almost a lightning bolt struck but not exactly. But after Dr. Zamora’s talk (which was super helpful) it gave me some more insight of the type of direction I should aim towards. Immediately after class I got to writing. I decided first that I want to draft up a couple of different essays on the exploration of womanhood and what it means to me. But also including things I have gone through being a woman. I know all woman have a story (trigger warning ahead), here are some of the essays I want to touch base upon and write before I center around my thesis;
The first time I was touched/ groped
The man who plotted to rape me
The man who stalked me
The man who called me a slut
The time my mother said it was my fault based on my outfit
Those are a couple essays I want to draft up first as I share my experiences in intimate stories. Then I will most likely need another brainstorming session with Dr. Zamora. But for now I do have a good start of where I want to get this thesis going. I am looking forward to the workshop next Tuesday as I can get guided a bit more and know where exactly where to start my research.
For the meantime, here is a sample essay I wrote to kick off the creative process and get in a zone:
The First Man To Disappoint Me
If any man in my past thought they did damage to me, they have not. My father was the first man to disappoint me.
I remember being a kid, sitting on the floor of the living room next to my mom who was sitting on the couch. I can remember her praying out loud “please don’t let him come home drunk. Please God protect him on his way home.” I silently put my head down as I pray in my head alongside my mother. Silently in my head I asked God, “Please God, don’t let him come home drunk today, please don’t let them fight today.” When I was a kid God didn’t seem to be too real because I thought when you pray he was supposed to make your prayers come true. But prayers are not wishes.
My parents fought badly when I was growing up. From microwaves being thrown out the window, to my dad leaving to look for a new place only to come back at night. I took on a role for my mother. To be her support system, and when she couldn’t be a mother, I tried my best to be one.
Growing up all I ever heard was “wow, you’re so mature for your age” or “you have such an old soul.” But these kinds of comments are normal for women, it’s almost an expectation to be more mature compared to boys. But the thing is, I wasn’t a woman. I was only a child. The “compliments” are not really compliments at the end of the day when all you want to do is be a kid. Not one that is dragged between every fight your parents have or every mental breakdown your mother has where all she can talk about is committing suicide. Trying to take on every role but the only real role I had was just to be a kid. But I failed at that one.
I say my father was the first man to disappoint me because it was hard to find that thin line. All I could see was the damage he was causing my mom, I resented him for it. While I never showed it and outsiders thought I was a daddy’s girl, I had a few moments where I strongly hated him and wished he never existed.
After our zoom class, I would say almost a lightning bolt struck but not exactly. But after Dr. Zamora’s talk (which was super helpful) it gave me some more insight of the type of direction I should aim towards. Immediately after class I got to writing. I decided first that I want to draft up a couple of different essays on the exploration of womanhood and what it means to me. But also including things I have gone through being a woman. I know all woman have a story (trigger warning ahead), here are some of the essays I want to touch base upon and write before I center around my thesis;
The first time I was touched/ groped
The man who plotted to rape me
The man who stalked me
The man who called me a slut
The time my mother said it was my fault based on my outfit
Those are a couple essays I want to draft up first as I share my experiences in intimate stories. Then I will most likely need another brainstorming session with Dr. Zamora. But for now I do have a good start of where I want to get this thesis going. I am looking forward to the workshop next Tuesday as I can get guided a bit more and know where exactly where to start my research.
As last semester ended and we began picking our classes for next semester I was pretty intimidated that I was already at the point to take the oh so feared Thesis class to start my own thesis journey. All summer in stayed in the back of my mind and it was quite odd because typically I can’t even remember the names of classes until the semester starts, but I knew this was going and I wanted to be overly prepared.
Instead of being overly prepared I feel as though I have over thought myself into a place where all of my ideas seem less important for this particular assignment. I can also see how getting other to care about my topic, or see it in a new way plays a major in this process as well. Sometimes we need to show people what is important so they can take interest.
I have been slightly able to narrow down my vast ideas into short phrases that I feel best satisfy what I am looking to bring forth out of my thesis. I want it to be useful beyond my Masters classroom, so I am able to look back and reflect this for years to come with endeavors and business I have planned for the future. I want to bring out something that others may not have thought when looking from a business or learning perspective. I want to create a proposal of some sort ( have a few topics in mind that pertain to areas I am looking to grow in society). Being open to truly exploring and gaining new knowledge from the topic I choose.
My areas of focus that I am looking to presume would either be education, school business outline/ plan, social media aspects, podcasting, or even combining both education and social media which are two very sensitive topics when talked about together.
I plan to make this moment in time meaningful so it is something I can look at for years to come and use it in same way or aspect of my life at that point. With the amount of time we will spend developing this thesis is it important to leave a lasting impression and be able to truly make the most of this final piece.
I am very anxious, yet excited. I know the hardest part of this whole process for me will actually be narrowing down my topic and starting to research and making sure that that topic is something that I can stand behind after this moment in time.
The official class site for Dr. Mia Zamora’s Fall 2022 Electronic Literature course.
